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Bliss

THE HIDDEN COST OF PUTTING ASIDE OUR DREAMS

Published in Thrive Global June 29, 2021

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/the-hidden-cost-of-putting-aside-our-dreams/

We’ve all heard it before. Quit daydreaming. Get real.  Be serious. Somehow as a culture, we’ve decided that daydreaming isn’t as important as doing. But what if there are hidden costs to always keeping our feet on the ground and head out of the clouds?

All new advances require “thinking outside the box”

Think about it.  What if Thomas Edison or Nicola Tesla listened to the people who told them they were crazy?  Would we still be sitting around in candlelight and using horses to commute?  

All new inventions require “thinking outside the box”, which is really just dreaming up a new future.  

All of the greatest inventors started with the idea that something new was possible.  They opened their mind to the possibility that life could be done in a different (and to them better) way.

They let their dreams lead their actions.  

Dreaming opens us up to a world of possibilities

One of the things that set us apart from every other living creature on the planet is our ability to think beyond instinct.  As humans, we can imagine outcomes and experience scenarios before they happen, simply by thinking about them.

We can experience life within our mind before it ever happens in the material world.  And this puts us in a magical position of “trying things on for size”.  Daydreaming allows us to see what it would feel like to experience something new and decide for ourselves if it’s something we want to pursue before we ever put any effort into it.

Dreaming increases our desire to create

When we have big dreams for our own lives, the lives of future generations, and humanity as a whole we have a reason to get up and do something important every day.  Our dreams fuel our actions.  They lead us forward.

When we don’t see a future that’s any better or different than our current state we have nothing to work towards.  We slog through our days doing the same things we’ve been doing, expecting the exact same results we’ve been living.  

We need the promise of a better future to inspire us to new actions and ways of being.  

It’s our ability to dream big that keeps us moving forward.  

That’s not to say that action isn’t important too.  But action without dreams will never lead us to a new and different reality.

How to use your daydreams of a better future to create that future

Step 1: Daydream

What would you like to experience in your life?  What do you wish for the future?  What do you want to leave as a legacy for future generations?

You have the unique opportunity to allow your imagination to run wild and see what feels right for you.

Step 2: Get Excited

Through your dreaming of possibilities you can find what really excites you.  And that excitement is what will get you moving.  

Feeling excited and passionate about a possible outcome is the fuel we need to get us up and moving.  It’s what keeps us moving when things feel hard.  

Stoke your excitement by dreaming of that future often.  

Step 3:  Take Action

Fueled by your excitement it’s time to get to work.  What action can you take right now to move you closer to your dreams?  Do it.

We don’t need to know the whole path, each step will unveil more steps for you to take.  Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by trying to see the whole picture.  Just let yourself consistently move in the direction of your dreams, whatever that looks like for you.

Remember to celebrate every little (and big) step you take towards creating that future for yourself.   It’s a big deal what you’re doing, and the journey is worth celebrating.

And the next time someone tells you to get your head out of the clouds you can let them know you’re doing important work up there.

woman sitting on window reading book
Bliss

Following our passion is the path to fulfillment

How to stop working for a paycheck and start doing something that matters, leaves the world a better place, and makes you feel amazing in the process.

Published in Thrive Global January 23rd, 2020

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/following-our-passion-is-the-path-to-fulfillment/

The old system of working for a living and living for the weekend is becoming unsustainable for humanity.  As we continue to see the rise in mental health disorders and stress-related conditions and diseases the red flag is raised that something has to change.  

But what?

The stress and pressure of finding a good job, being financially stable, managing the bills, and all of our daily responsibilities can be a lot to shoulder.  But when you add on the feelings of discontentment, resentment, boredom, and pressure that can come from working in a job that doesn’t meet any of our intrinsic needs we can be left feeling hopeless, heartless, and unfulfilled.

These feelings often bleed into the other areas of our life, affecting our relationships and our ability to successfully parent our children.  They can lead to unhealthy eating patterns, lack of physical motivation, financial irresponsibility, and serious health conditions both physically and mentally.

Left unattended there can be dire consequences.

But why?

Why is it that we need our careers to also meet our intrinsic need to do something meaningful, make a difference in the world, and feel like we’ve created something worthwhile?  Shouldn’t the ability to meet our external needs (like paying bills and buying food) be enough?

While many of us were raised to believe in the value of hard work and earning a decent wage it’s just not enough for everyone.

Many of us are hardwired, either from birth or through experience, to need to feel like we’ve done a good job at something that matters.  And left unfulfilled we will spiral downwards.

If we feel unfulfilled in our current career what can we do?

The first step is to know what you are passionate about.  What are the things that light you up, set your soul on fire?  What are the things you would do even if you weren’t getting paid for them?  It might be things you haven’t done since you were a kid.  It might be things you do every weekend.  

There will be more than one.

Make a list.  

Then ask yourself what things are easy for you.  What comes naturally to you?  What skills do you have? What do you do so easily you might not even think to write them down because they are that easy?  Ask your friends and family this question if you’re stuck.

Compare the lists.  There will be overlap and commonalities between the two.

Now that you know where your zone of genius and happiness lies you can start to explore what you might want to do with these professionally.

Do some research.  Ask around.  Play with the possibilities.  How can you use what you have in a way that would make you money?  Maybe it’s a new business venture, a career change, or simply an adjustment to the way you work in your current field.

To be clear this doesn’t mean you have to quit your current job right away and do a complete one-eighty, although that might be exactly what you decide.  There is no one size fits all answer here.  This is a journey of self-discovery that no one can do for you.

Be curious.  Have fun.  Enjoy.

And know that you absolutely can have both financial stability and a sense of purpose.

Bliss

THE POWERFUL ART OF REPARENTING OURSELVES

In March of 2019, I became a trained facilitator of Inner Child Healing as part of my Quantum Healing Certification.

At the time I had no idea what Inner Child Healing was but I felt deeply drawn to learn.  And I’m grateful I did.

I use it consistently with my 1-on-1 clients.  Why?  Because it allows us to get to the root of the problem, behavior, or belief that is keeping my clients from being the fully embodied, badass, abundant, and free leaders they are meant to be right now.

So much of the coaching and personal development work is only addressing symptoms.  But true lasting transformation comes from addressing the root, often buried deep in your subconscious.  

With this process, we can do that almost instantly.

But what is it?  

It’s a powerful rewiring experience where together we identify the initial experience that caused you to form a part of your identity and embody the core beliefs that support it.  The part of your identity that is solidly holding on to limitations as a way of reaffirming its existence.

Once we identify the initial experience, I bring you safely back through it and together we rewrite history.  We reframe the situation to shift your identity in support of the behavior or outcome you desire.

For example, let’s say you have a fear of public speaking and it’s holding you back from realizing your dream of being a transformational author and speaker.

You think you’re afraid of public speaking because it’s scary. But actually, you’re afraid of public speaking because you believe that people who put themselves in the spotlight are show-offs, which is something you definitely don’t want to be.

 Why?  Because when you were 3 you put on a show for your family and at the height of your excitement, when you were looking to your family for their approval and enjoyment, what you actually got was your mother telling you to quit being a show-off.   That good girls are seen and not heard.

Ouch.

At that formative age, you created a core belief (because of course your mother is always right, she’s an adult) that being the center of attention is bad and it means there is something wrong with you. With that core belief ingrained you formed a part of your identity that does everything she can to avoid being a show-off, who doesn’t feel comfortable being in front of people, and who subconsciously judges others who do because that’s not what good girls do.

Never getting on that stage fills your need for your mother’s approval AND reaffirms your identity as a good girl.

Now, as an adult, it doesn’t matter how many speaking coaches you hire, affirmations you repeat in the mirror, or years you spend in your local chapter of Toastmasters,  none of that will change your fear of public speaking.  You will always feel wrong, even if you do manage to get on that stage. 

Why?  Because you aren’t doing anything to address the cause of your fear.  

But, if instead, you go back to that moment when you were standing in the living room, singing your heart out, only to have it crushed, and you help 3 year old you process what happened in a way that helps her see that being the center of attention isn’t bad. That, in fact, what your mom said has more to do with her own insecurities than it does with who YOU are as a person then we fundamentally rewire your personality.  We change who you are, who you have always been.

And we set you free from the fear.

That’s when public speaking seems like something that has always come easy to you.

The majority of our limitations and insecurities come from our childhood. 

And often they were created in seemingly innocuous moments, moments we hardly remember. 

By going back to the root of the issue and safely and intentionally rewriting history we can become a better version of ourselves and leave those limitations behind for good.

When done right it can work for anything.

That’s why I’m in love with it.  I’ve seen the success of Inner Child Healing firsthand.

With myself.

With my clients.

It is an unbelievably powerful tool for making massive shifts with minimal effort and finally allowing yourself to be the version of yourself that doesn’t let fear, limitation, or doubt stand in her way.

woman smoking while leaning on wall
Bliss

OUR ADDICTION TO STRUGGLE

Last week I was deep diving with a private client into her patterns.  She was telling me how she’s afraid of life being too good.  That as soon as everything seems to be going well she starts looking for what’s going to go wrong next.

I’ll tell you what I told her – she’s not the only one.

Millions of us are addicted to struggle.

Merriam-Webster defines addiction as a compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects.

When someone has an addiction the reward center in their brain is hijacked and rewired outside of healthy norms.  This is why an addict will engage in behavior those with normal functioning brains can’t understand.  

Why would they put themselves at risk, destroy relationships, etc?  Because their brain has been rewired to seek the behavior or substance out in order to be rewarded by a flood of chemicals in the brain – a feeling they crave.  The high.

So what does this have to do with the fear of things being too good?

We’re getting high off of struggle.

I had my client look at the last time that everything was going really well in her life.  

She described to me how at first, it felt great.  She was excited, content.  But then she started to get uncomfortable.  It started with a feeling of restlessness and then her mind started to find things to worry about.  At first, it was little things, like if she’d remembered to shut off the stove when she left the house.  But then it started to be bigger ones, like if she and her spouse were meant to be together or if she was going to lose her business.

Until something did go wrong in her life – she had a financial crisis.

And while she was consciously dealing with the money problem, her brain was getting its fix.  

She was feeling something.  

The truth is that physiologically anxiety and excitement are almost identical.  Racing heart, butterflies in the stomach, heightened senses, a flood of adrenaline.

She felt alive.

And when the problem was solved she would experience a rush of relief, euphoria, ecstasy.  

She was addicted to struggle because it gave her a rush.  A rush she wasn’t getting when everything was going well because there were no peaks and valleys.

Just like a drug addict, she was unconsciously creating struggle in her life so that she could get her fix.

But the real question is why.  

Why is her subconscious wired this way?  

How did it happen?

It’s a learned behavior.

Just like a drug addict using for the first time, when we’re young and experience struggle we learn that it can create these heightened experiences for us.  

The struggle gets introduced to us and we learn subconsciously to like it, even if it’s not good for us.  The more struggle we experience the more we come to rely on it to create those heightened feelings.

But here’s the kicker – we don’t need it.  We can create the same feelings in healthier ways.  We can choose to experience excitement, passion, euphoria through bliss, play, and fun.

That’s good news – since it’s a learned behavior we can always unlearn it.

Here’s the process I gave my client to begin to undo her addiction to struggle:

1: Recognize the pattern

2: Recognize when you’re engaging in the behavior

3: Ask yourself how could I bring myself into euphoria/bliss/excitement right now without needing to struggle first?

4: Do that

By giving our brains their fix in healthier ways we can break our addiction to struggle.

My client is already finding herself more comfortable with things being good because she isn’t bored.  She’s creating her peaks and valleys consciously by engaging in healthier activities that give her that fix.

Millions of us might be addicted to the struggle, but we don’t have to be.  We can happily get high on life in new, fun, and expansive ways.

woman standing in the middle of a road feeling free
Bliss

IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU

Back in October 2020, one of my clients came to me upset because her relationship was falling apart. We’d been working together for several months and during that time her business had been taking off. She’d just tripled her highest month of income and now she was frustrated because she and her spouse were fighting non-stop.

“Why is he being like this? Can’t he just be happy for me? Why is he undermining my happiness when things are going so well? Do you think he’s threatened by my success?”

My response – it’s not him, it’s you.

#sorrynotsorry

You see, she didn’t have a relationship problem.

She had a comfort zone problem.

She wasn’t comfortable with things being that good in her life. It was making her nervous, even if she didn’t realize it.

She liked the money and the way business was going. But she wasn’t comfortable with everything going so well. To make sure the money didn’t end her subconscious came up with a solution. In order to keep the money and still feel safe she needed a different problem.  Her subconscious saved her by sabotaging her relationship and it unknowingly became the sacrificial lamb to her business success.

Why?

Because she subconsciously believed that if things were too good for her she was tempting fate. That it was just a matter of time before the proverbial other shoe dropped.

This subconscious programming isn’t rare. We’ve been taught to believe that it’s not safe because that’s not how life works. That if things are going that well there must be a catastrophe on the horizon.

That suffering is the normal human condition and if we aren’t suffering it’s only a matter of time.

To keep us safe our subconscious chooses our form of suffering so something even worse doesn’t happen to us. 

We choose our bad.

  • Bickering in our relationship instead of a debilitating accident
  • Money problems over divorce
  • Issues with our weight over poverty

And when something starts going really well in one area of our lives we can find ourselves in the same boat as my client – wondering why we suddenly have problems in another area (where we used to have our shit together).

If we don’t realize that what we’re facing is a comfort zone problem we blame the other person, fate, or the economy for our sudden distress. 

We get to work fixing the problem we think we have, not realizing it’s just a symptom.

Which keeps us looping through the same pattern. The same comfort zone problem.

  • Fix the relationship, end up with money problems
  • Fix the money problem, find ourselves with health problems
  • Fix the health problems, our relationship falls apart

Until we get comfortable with everything going well at once we’re doomed to stay stuck in this loop.

So what do we do to fix it and finally allow ourselves to have it all in life?

Rewire the underlying belief that it’s dangerous to be too happy, too successful, too abundant. Get comfortable being happy, successful, and in love with life.

This is what we did for my client. We didn’t go to work fixing her relationship. Instead, I used powerful Quantum Healing techniques to help her rapidly rewire her internal belief.  We instilled the deep-seated belief (which is a universal truth by the way) that she is safe to experience whatever she desires in life.

We undid programming from way back in her childhood that told her it was greedy to have such a blessed life and still want more. 

We traveled timelines and dimensions rewriting her story of security so she felt safe in her body no matter what was going on around her.

We cleaned up her energetic field of old densities and emotions that were making her feel unsafe and contributing to this loop.

We solved the problem instead of dealing with the symptoms. And do you know what happened? Her income continued to increase AND so did her satisfaction in her relationship. Within a few months, she was telling me how good everything was going and how she and her partner were like newlyweds again.

Why? Because she finally felt safe, worthy, and capable of creating a life beyond her wildest expectations in every single way. And so of course that’s what she started experiencing.

The truth is, you can have it all – but not until you feel safe to do so.   

Ask yourself – what do I really believe about living an abundant, magical life? Where do I feel unsafe to do so?   

Stop trying to fix the symptoms and instead go to the root of the problem.

It’s time to live that life beyond your wildest expectations.